first after thoughts

It isn’t just that Jude is overwhelmed by whispers, secrets and demanding souls as misguided, broken and inadequate as she is innocent. It isn’t just that my own life has been full of the same. It’s that she is gutted at every turn of will and fate.

It’s that no matter how she tries she’s on her own with everything. Adam isn’t there but his myth is grail-like. With a twist of Janus. His suffering creates new martyrs then abandons them to tragedy without reprieve.

It would be comforting to think of Jude’s search for Adam as her journey towards herself. But things never flow smoothly or even in one direction at a time.

Love is pain and so is all the rest. Life is suffering – was it Buddha who said that?

In Search of Adam describes how desperately wounded we all are. How frightened, isolated and, dare I say it, ignorant - that it never occurs to ask the questions that might release stuck pain. The answers might be infective and dis-ease hurts more than ducking and diving.

How desperate we all are for Signs as well. Just a hint that even though things can and do get worse, there’s something beautiful that the cosmos might allow if we listen hard enough. Bleed enough. Wait long enough. If we can but stand before we fall. Apart.

As I did when I reached the Diary section. Those who went before me know what I mean. I'd been outraged, appalled, dreadfully sad before. This was breakdown point. Mine.

There are many proper reviews of this glorious book. Caroline has links to them on her blog.

This isn't a review - more a mindspill in emotion ...